Bad-Assery. Hummingbird’s Mother’s Day Post.
Hummingbird invited Writer Nicole Emmi to contribute her thoughts about Moms and Motherhood.
Hey, I’ve got an idea! You know how we could get a lot accomplished in this country in a hurry? Take all of the issues that nobody has the time, dedication (or balls) to truly solve and put them in the capable hands of a bunch of moms - preferably those with children still at home. I’m telling you, that is the answer. Sure, they’re arguably the busiest people in our society, what with the small army in their charge constantly threatening mutiny and all…not to mention their five thousand or so other responsibilities and their to-do lists playing on constant repeat in their heads. But if tasked with finding viable solutions to our nation’s most pressing problems, moms would put their heads together and find a way to get it done. It’s their superpower. They’ll just squeeze it in somewhere between running their own business, 5pm soccer, 6pm school conferences, 7pm dinner, 8pm bath time and 9pm laundry. (And by the way, no offense to you dads. We know you’re capable and busy and selfless too, but this is a Mother’s Day piece, after all, so we’re going to politely ask that you to give us the stage, here.)
So, why would these women who consistently have too much on their plate take on such a daunting project? Because mothers are badasses. And they have a wee problem saying no. But mostly because they’re badasses. That is true no matter the title - biological, step, expectant, surrogate, foster, adoptive or otherwise - being invested, involved and dedicated to the care of a child qualifies you for the role. And we’ve all heard the cliches: moms don’t get sick days, motherhood is the hardest job on earth, if a mom’s duties were tallied for compensation, they would earn a salary of roughly $162,000 a year. That is, of course, before the government adopts my plan and compensates them generously for saving the country, in which case it could possibly even approach $200,000! (Insert eye roll.)
But it’s not just the sacrifices, or the smiling through exhaustion that makes a mother a badass. Nor is it the willingness to spend themselves to the last shred of their sanity trying to provide the security, happiness and opportunities their kids deserve. Yes, those things take guts. Being on the front lines of motherhood means whenever possible being at their school concerts and field trips, and on the sidelines of their sports, rain or shine, tired or not. It means loving their best friends and teammates as your own “adopted” kids and cheering them on too. It means being able to recognize an Eddie Haskell or Nellie Oleson in their peer group and adjust their association accordingly (and to those parents: no, we’re not fooled, and yes, other parents are probably talking about it. Sorry, but I speak the truth.) It means late night tearful talks, comforting them and rebuilding their self esteem when they doubt themselves. It means expanding their horizons, helping them see how unlimited their options are and teaching them the power of their own minds in shaping their future.
It means wanting to make everything better for them but instead choosing to help them learn independence and resilience - which sucks, by the way. Those are hard-fought mental battles that mothers endure - to choose to make them comfortable or to choose to make them strong. And they (we) probably screw it up all the time. But in the case of a badass mom, it’s not for lack of trying. Mothers are great at over-analyzing things, questioning their own decisions, taking no credit for their children’s triumphs, yet harboring all of the guilt for their children’s weaknesses or perceived failures.
Here’s the thing: the bad-assery comes from the fact that when your child is born, or comes to you in whichever way they do, they plant something tangible inside of you. It’s like an entirely new organ, it feels as real as any of the others, and it lives in the center of your chest. If your children are hurting or in danger, it can ache - excruciatingly so. If your children succeed or overcome an obstacle, or are proud of themselves or make a good decision in opposition to peer pressure, then holy sh*t! That place in your chest can feel like it will absolutely burst with joy! Raising and nurturing a child means signing up to put them first and to make that sensitive, delicate place inside of us a permanent home for our children. Come. What. May.
It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a village to define motherhood. I asked some of the moms in my village to finish this one sentence: “Being a mother means…” If you can, please take the time to read what these women-warriors had to say about raising (or having raised) the next generation. You may laugh or cry (or laugh-cry which is the best emotion there is). Some of their sentiments may resonate with you and some may not. Either way, these badasses are never getting their $162,000 salary, so let’s just give them this moment.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Motherhood is finding out just how fierce you really are.
A fierce love that defies all explanation.
A fierce that will protect at any and all costs.
A fierce that will push you beyond all your preconceived limits to nurture and teach.
A fierce that will make you heal yourself just to be their Mom for one more day.
Fierce comes from the Latin Ferus ‘’wild animal’ it means strong, proud, dangerous and ready to roar.
Motherhood is ferocious Love.
Terry [my own mother :)]
Being a mother means…
Finally fully comprehending how much my parents love me.
Never really getting a solid, restful night of sleep again and being completely content with that.
Knowing what it feels like to have my heart overflowing/bursting with unconditional love.
Having the most heart wrenching and uplifting experiences in my life.
Being a mom means being simultaneously impressed and appalled at the wide range pee can travel outside of the toilet. Being a mother is putting on a pair of shoes for the first time in months and finding bouncy balls in not one, but both shoes.
Being a mother means being strong… You are a doctor, a nurse, a planner, a cleaner, a cook, a therapist, a beautician, an Uber driver, a tutor, an inspirational guide, an organizer, a motivator, a teacher, a life coach, a home decorator, a financial planner, and an expert shopper and many more. We are so blessed!
Being a mother means a life full of building heartwarming memories that promote strength, character and love.
Being a mother to me, especially only having one child, and a daughter, means always having a great friend and forever friend, while still having that mother/daughter relationship.
Being a mother means: sleepless nights, seeing the best/worst version of yourself, happily giving up your life to sit at countless games, recitals, etc., having zero privacy and being okay with it. Last, but not least, having great friends to hang out with as they get into adulthood.
Being a mother means that while you love your child with all of your heart you will still want to punch them in the face on occasion. And that’s okay.
Being a mother means...
Forgiving your parents the things your younger self couldn't.
Making sacrifices your younger self couldn't have imagined.
Producing a patience that your younger self never needed.
Loving someone in a way your younger self could never have dreamed of...
Being a mother means:
Losing uninterrupted sleep.
Losing alone time in the bathroom.
Losing friends who don't have kids.
Losing my flat stomach & thigh gap.
Losing sleeping late on the weekend.
Losing control of the remote.
Gaining two more LOVES OF MY LIFE.
Being a mother means having a new beginning each day to make the world a better place by sharing your children with the planet.
Life’s goal is raising human beings that are good people that contribute good to our society.
My 5-year-old asked me to help him figure out his superpowers because he is a superhero too! Busy weekend for us!
Also, “He is mine in a way that he will never be hers, yet he is hers in a way that he will never be mine, and so together, we are motherhood.” Desha Woodall
“Having kids is like having little broke best friends that think you’re rich.” (Unknown)
Being a mother means to me that I was blessed by God with three very loving, happy and healthy children who now have blessed me with eleven very loving, healthy and happy grandchildren. My very own tree of life.
Being a mother means understanding that dizzying feeling of pride when your children display the best of your traits ~ humor, understanding, kindness, empathy, patience. It also means understanding the dizzying feeling of sadness when your children display your shortcomings that you are always working on.
Being a mother means laughing and crying at the same time all the time.
Being a mother means that the moment you feel them in your belly life will never be the same. When you hold them in your arms and stare at them you vow to love them unconditionally, protect them, promise to give them everything you can even if it means stretching yourself thin somedays. Everyday is a life lesson not only for your children but for yourself. Some days are easy and some days are hard. Some days you say yes and some days you say no but it's only to have their best interest in mind. Motherhood is giving up things sometimes not because you want to but because it's what's best for your family.
Always being filled with so much love, joy and happiness that sometimes you feel your heart could explode.....but at that moment it fills up with even more love.
Being a mother changed me. It put my whole world into perspective. I love being a mom.
Being a mother is the hardest and most rewarding job. It’s the greatest gift of all.
Being a mother means trying to finish this damn sentence for a week and you can't because you keep getting interrupted, lol!
Being a mother means longing for some “alone” time, then missing the kids the second you get it and either thinking about them, shopping for them or talking about them.
Being a mother to a daughter means that you always have someone who calls you when they are sad, scared, happy or just need their mama! I am thankful that my daughter does all of those at almost 23! I sure do love her.
Being a mother means not really liking pie that much anyway when there's not enough for everyone .
Being a mother means spending $300 on the kids but putting back $15 leggings because that's just too expensive.
Being a mom of adult children means missing the things that drove you crazy for so long.
Being a mother of adult children means watching babies in big kid clothes go out into the world.
Becoming a mother was the realization that I never knew true happiness until I held my son. He is the reason my life is so fulfilled.
Being a mom of three boys means years of complaining about dirty, stinky laundry but actually missing it when they are all grown up!
Being a mother.. one can never truly prepare themselves for the amount of unconditional love that almost bursts your heart from the beginning. From conception- just you and this being that has been placed in your body! Your body! Think about that! It was one of my favorite times of motherhood- because it was just her and me walking around in the world- together-yet the world hadn’t met her yet. Unconditional love created the day I found out I was pregnant. Someone more important than me, anyone else or anything..for as long as I live and breathe that is motherhood to me.
Being a mother means knowing there is an end in sight for sleepless nights and tripping over toys, but also knowing that it means they are growing up! It means giving away all of the construction toys and feeling like it was just yesterday that we played for endless hours with them.
It means no matter what happens in the day, you still get snuggles at bedtime.